The 2026 Bellend D'Or Ceremony in London

Mesdames et Messieurs, Meine Damen und Herren, and Ladies and Gentlemen welcomed the 2026 Bellend d'Or ceremony to the London Palladium, marking the first time the event took place in the capital. A masked individual climbed the Tudor facade of the Grade II listed Liberty storefront opposite the venue, breaking off a carved wooden head. For this feat, the participant received the Bellend d'Or, Young Talent Of The Year award.

Lord Sadiq Aman Khan, Baron Khan of Tooting and Mayor, arrived first after leaving City Hall five hours early due to warnings about traffic congestion caused by his pedestrianisation scheme on Oxford Street. Because electric bike riders and smartphone thieves still travel along the road at speeds reaching 73mph, the Mayor received the Bellend d'Or Manager award.

Other nominees for the main prize included Sheikh Mansour, Zack Polanski, Robert Generic, and the royal duo Harry and Andrew M-W. However, the 2026 Bellend d'Or went to Chancellor John Healey during Budget week. Critics pointed out that welfare spending is projected to climb from £353 billion this year to £431 billion by 2032, while the Government avoided welfare changes.

PM'S FLAW AND ORDER

Criticism was also directed at PM Andeh over announcements regarding issues like stopping loudcasting on public transport. Suggested proposals for the administration included rules on cling film wrinkle standards, tight Lycra limits, mandatory working from home for employees with a morning zit, brown sauce in every restaurant, easily openable Sellotape, free snack bowls with drinks in pubs, blue-only Blu Tack, a ban on pineapple pizza toppings, renaming bread rolls to barm cakes, and replacing the National Anthem with The Smiths song The Queen Is Dead.

Keir Starmer was spotted at a North London pub near a location linked to highwayman Dick Turpin, where a pint of Guinness cost £8.40. Meanwhile, dictionary.com named maxxing as the 2026 Word Of The Year.

FEARLESS MADONNA IS A LIGHT ENTERTAINER

Madonna launched a collection of calming candles at age 68, naming scents after songs such as Like A Prayer, which is described as smelling of wood, smoke, and sheer magnetism.

FOUR'S EXTRA SMALL

Broadcasting House announced that BBC Three and Radio 4 Extra will shut down in early 2027 due to budget constraints, shortly after revealing plans for a new Radio 6 Indie Forever sister station.